I am a sojourner on a life-long journey, moving both inward and outward, exploring both my own inner landscape and the terrain in which others live. While still moving into the center, I'm also stretching toward the edges. These reflections trace some of my exploration.
Reflections by Jerry Webber
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Overheard:Transformation
I heard this last week . . . it seems to be true, at least for me.
Everybody wants to be transformed, but nobody wants to change.
It seems to me that this is the magic wand fantasy most of us carry in some part of ourselves. We want it "done unto us," instead of having to work hard at our own transformation. And we especially don't want it to be difficult or painful or to take a very long time. Well, in truth it IS done unto us, becaue apart from grace, there is no way we could stay in the fires of transformation willingly long enough for the dross to be burnt away. But even as it is done unto us, we have to participate, peeling the layers of the onion one layer at a time (yes, I am mixing metaphors terribly, but no one is sufficient). Finally, well into my 50's, I am finally beginning to accept letting go of "arrival" mentality and relaxing into "journey" thinking. I am learning to cease waiting to be transformed and to enjoy living into the fact that I am continually in the process of transformation.
sometimes we connote change with us having to do hard work and transformation with god's magic wand--Shazam! you are now REALLY the person you were meant to be!!!I realize this may not reflect the true meanings of the words just some baggage pinned onto them or at least weird associations I have.
I'd like to order at least one magic wand transformation shazam for today please...
This heavy fog is lifting and I can begin to see it is the truth for me too. How long I have lived my life changing myself by my brute strength alone. “Been there, done that, not going back again” was my mantra. Determined not to repeat those events where I had been wounded, that had made me feel stupid. I was in control. I did not go back to those places, to those people. I built walls to protect my self; they were sufficient to keep “those” things out. I got through it. I was changed. I was different. My so called transformation was nothing more than an illusion that I let myself believe. I was running, denying and pretending….it was only feeding my fear. What I am in deepest need of is trust….trust in a greater proportion than my fear. It is all that I know to pray for now. Perhaps in growing my fragile trust, letting go of my doing, real change and transformation will come in me.
i think the hard work of transformation is to stop working (in terms of internal brute force) and begin to recognize, accept and even allow who and how we have been made both by god and man. for example, my defense mechanisms are not my fault (i am responsible for them yet but the fact that they exist is not my fault). they just are. in the same way a mirror’s blemishes, warps, and fractures are not the mirror’s fault. i think transformation occurs when i recognize, accept and allow, gently, these blemishes that just are. this is not about embracing and promoting hurtful things or warpedness. once heard that we can beat someone with the truth into submission but not into sanctification (or healthy transformation). i have found this true in regards to mental self beatings with intent to change internal attitudes, emotions, thinking, or even behaviors etc. oppression for me only leads to rebellion--even if only self oppression. when have i ever been able to fix a mirror without making it worse, maybe even shattering or fracturing it. but when i recognize and allow these to be what they are, i can also recognize the distortions that emanate from them and hold these warped truths more gently. as i am compassionate with these warps, i become less reactive to them. for me transformation is learning how to be graceful with how i have been made, this in turn helps me move toward compassion, mercy and grace with myself and others. and as i stop trying to fix others and my own blemishes, fractures, and warps, i am able to stop further fracturing others and myself and am able to simply love what and who is.
yes navigating 50 does seem to open these doors, mirrors, magic wand fantasies, desires to stop closing out and running. how is that for mixing a lot of metaphors into a mud pie – much like living?!
i believe god is good and transformation will come, has begun, and fragile trusts will be healed, are healing. god is merciful and gentle.
4 comments:
It seems to me that this is the magic wand fantasy most of us carry in some part of ourselves. We want it "done unto us," instead of having to work hard at our own transformation. And we especially don't want it to be difficult or painful or to take a very long time. Well, in truth it IS done unto us, becaue apart from grace, there is no way we could stay in the fires of transformation willingly long enough for the dross to be burnt away. But even as it is done unto us, we have to participate, peeling the layers of the onion one layer at a time (yes, I am mixing metaphors terribly, but no one is sufficient). Finally, well into my 50's, I am finally beginning to accept letting go of "arrival" mentality and relaxing into "journey" thinking. I am learning to cease waiting to be transformed and to enjoy living into the fact that I am continually in the process of transformation.
sometimes we connote change with us having to do hard work and transformation with god's magic wand--Shazam! you are now REALLY the person you were meant to be!!!I realize this may not reflect the true meanings of the words just some baggage pinned onto them or at least weird associations I have.
I'd like to order at least one magic wand transformation shazam for today please...
This heavy fog is lifting and I can begin to see it is the truth for me too.
How long I have lived my life changing myself by my brute strength alone. “Been there, done that, not going back again” was my mantra. Determined not to repeat those events where I had been wounded, that had made me feel stupid.
I was in control.
I did not go back to those places, to those people.
I built walls to protect my self; they were sufficient to keep “those” things out.
I got through it.
I was changed. I was different.
My so called transformation was nothing more than an illusion that I let myself believe. I was running, denying and pretending….it was only feeding my fear.
What I am in deepest need of is trust….trust in a greater proportion than my fear.
It is all that I know to pray for now.
Perhaps in growing my fragile trust, letting go of my doing, real change and transformation will come in me.
i think the hard work of transformation is to stop working (in terms of internal brute force) and begin to recognize, accept and even allow who and how we have been made both by god and man. for example, my defense mechanisms are not my fault (i am responsible for them yet but the fact that they exist is not my fault). they just are. in the same way a mirror’s blemishes, warps, and fractures are not the mirror’s fault. i think transformation occurs when i recognize, accept and allow, gently, these blemishes that just are. this is not about embracing and promoting hurtful things or warpedness. once heard that we can beat someone with the truth into submission but not into sanctification (or healthy transformation). i have found this true in regards to mental self beatings with intent to change internal attitudes, emotions, thinking, or even behaviors etc. oppression for me only leads to rebellion--even if only self oppression. when have i ever been able to fix a mirror without making it worse, maybe even shattering or fracturing it. but when i recognize and allow these to be what they are, i can also recognize the distortions that emanate from them and hold these warped truths more gently. as i am compassionate with these warps, i become less reactive to them. for me transformation is learning how to be graceful with how i have been made, this in turn helps me move toward compassion, mercy and grace with myself and others. and as i stop trying to fix others and my own blemishes, fractures, and warps, i am able to stop further fracturing others and myself and am able to simply love what and who is.
yes navigating 50 does seem to open these doors, mirrors, magic wand fantasies, desires to stop closing out and running. how is that for mixing a lot of metaphors into a mud pie – much like living?!
i believe god is good and transformation will come, has begun, and fragile trusts will be healed, are healing. god is merciful and gentle.
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