I've written a couple of posts lately about the invitation to live life in the now and the challenge of knowing my own interior.
These words from Thomas Merton's journals speak into the challenge we each have in knowing ourselves and living the one life we've been given.
September 22, 1959
The one thing necessary is a true interior and spiritual life, true growth, and my own, in depth, in a new direction. Whatever new direction God opens up for me. My job is to press forward, to grow interiorly, to pray, to break away from attachments and to defy fears, to grow in faith, which has its own solitude, to seek an entirely new perspective and new dimension in my life. To open up new horizons at any cost, to desire this and let the Holy Spirit take care of the rest. But really to desire this and work for it.
December 28, 1958
More and more I am quietly going to have to do the difficult thing that no one else is free to do either for me or with me -- really live my own interior life and seek God according to my own vocation -- without fighting or condemning other people and without worrying at the differences between us in outlook, ideals, etc.
December 11, 1958
"What am I here for?" . . . The only satisfying answer is "for nothing," I am here gratis, without a special purpose, without a special plan. I am here because I am here and not somewhere else. I am not here because of some elaborate monastic ideal or because this is "the best" (which it probably is not) -- but simply this is where "God has put me." I live here. I work around here. . . . I am here gratis, for no special purpose, with no strings attached, freely. I have no serious reason for wanting to be elsewhere, though I might like to be elsewhere at times.
The fact remains that elsewhere is not where I am or where I am likely to be. The point is not that this is a sublimely wonderful and special place. Not at all. To try to convince myself of this after 17 years would be madness and insincerity. The point is that it does not much matter where you are as long as you can be at peace about it and live your life. The place certainly will not live my life for me, I have found that out. I have to live it for myself.
1 comment:
YES! That's it!! the December 28th entry: "really live my own interior life and seek God according to my own vocation -- without fighting or condemning other people and without worrying at the differences between us".
Mine is the process of growing up and growing into my self...the self that I was created to be.
Its a hard and slow path.
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